


Insanity inside of you

by GabeTheArchTrickster



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, But this just kinda was screaming at me, Episode: s07e17 The Born-Again Identity, I Don't Even Know, I dont usually ship things, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-10-14 05:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10530294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabeTheArchTrickster/pseuds/GabeTheArchTrickster
Summary: Canon divergence during ‘The Born-Again Identity’. Sam never went to the mental health institute and manages to keep the worst of the insanity to himself. Dean still goes looking for someone to help, and still stumbles across Cas. I'm bad at summarizing things and I don't even know where to go with this. Check it out if u wanna.





	1. Point of divergence

...Sam managed to jerk awake before hitting the oncoming traffic. A deep sigh came from beside him. “Oooh, Sam. I'm so disappointed! If you had just died, then I'd get to see you again. And you'd be out of Dean's hair. Dear father, do you even know how much of a burden you are to him?” Asked hallucifer, from the passenger side of the car. Sam sighed, and tried to focus on the road, pointedly ignoring Lucifer. His eyes felt like lead, having not slept in five days. 

“You know,” hallucifer continued, “it won't be too long before I really get to see you again. Your body will only last, what, another week without sleep? Before breaking down completely,” He said, singing the last part. 

\-----------------------(!:!)--------------------------

Dean was at Rufus’s old place, looking for something to help out Sam. He knew Sam was strong, but his little brother could only deal with so much, and he seemed to be getting worse. So far, everyone the elder Winchester contacted either didn't answer, hasn't gotten back to him, or refused to help. Apparently, being part of the release of the leviathans (even if you're not at fault) puts you in the bad books of a lot of hunters.

He was rummaging through the fridge for a beer, seeing no point in more failure that day, when he heard something fall behind him. Swiftly pulling his gun and spinning around, he spotted Bobby's journal on the floor, instead of the counter where he had left it. Approaching cautiously, he picked it up and put it back on the counter where it fell from. 

He looked back down at where it had fallen and noticed a business card had slipped out of the journal. Reaching back down to pick up the card, he saw a name, Mackey, and number on the back. He pulled out his phone and started dialing.

“Hello?” Asked a gruff voice on the other end of the line. “Hey, I'm an old friend of Rufus and Bobby. I was just wondering if you could help me out,” Replied Dean. There was a sigh over the line. “Depends on the situation. If you're asking me to pay up for something those morons did…” But dean cut him off before he could finish. “Nothing like that. A friend of mine is sick. Supernaturally sick. I was just curious if you, or a friend of yours, would be able to help.”

The man was silent for a moment. “Do you think all miracles are evil, or come at a price?” Asked Mackey, cryptically. “In most cases, yeah. But at this point I'm kinda desperate. Why; this one have a price tag?” replied Dean, with a dry laugh at the end. Mackey huffed out a half-assed laugh, “Well, I checked out this guy a week or two ago. Goes by the name Emmanuel. They said he can heal both physical and mental damages. Tried every test I know, he passed every one, then preceded to heal my left eye. The thing had been blind for the past seven years. As far as I can tell, there's no negative side effects, or hounds coming to chew my ass any time soon,” Said Mackey, with a hint of respect for this ‘Emmanuel’ in his voice.

It was Dean's turn to go silent, contemplating the pros and cons. Finally, he caved. “Got an address?”

\-----------------------(!:!)--------------------------

Sam had finally pulled up to Rufus’s old cabin, about eight hours later. He got out of the car, feet crunching on the gravel, and felt a chill from the autumn air creep through his jacket. “It's getting cold out Sam. Of course, not as cold as it would be in the cage, but close enough. Am I right?” Teased Hallucifer from beside Sam, where he had appeared.

Sam ignored him in favor of going to the cabin's front door. As he grabbed the handle, he felt spikes rip through his hand, and a scream threatened to rip from his throat. Sam released the handle and looked at it. The handle was covered in rusty nails, coated with his blood.

Hallucifer ‘tsked’ from behind him. “Sam, Sam, Sam. You should really start to pay more attention to me. Ignoring me will cost you,” Hallucifer walked up to Sam until his mouth was right next to Sam's ear, and whispered, “It might cost you a hand. Or maybe I'll be generous and take something a lot less valuable. Your pathetic, blackened, maggot infested soul.”

The door in front of them opened, causing Sam to start. Dean was on the other side, looking startled as well. “Sam! Didn't know when you'd be back. I left you a note on the table, but I guess you can ignore that now. What're you doing standing in the doorway like a creep?” 

“Yeah Sam, why are you such a creep?” Asked hallucifer, with a sassy tone. Sam flinched, and hallucifer laughed behind him. Sams grimace didn't go unnoticed, though. “Sam, you ok?” Asked Dean. Sam nodded his head, as though trying to shake off something unseen. “Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Hey, where are you going?” He asked, noticing the impala’s keys in Dean's hand and a duffle over his shoulder.

“Colorado. Apparently there's some healer there. I think he might be able to help you. And before you ask, or argue, another hunters already taken a look. The guy checks out.”

Sam swallowed his original protest, but another one surfaced immediately. “You were going to leave without me?” He asked, as his face fell. Dean avoided his eyes, as he said, “Sammy, you aren't yourself. You got Lucifer in your head. I just thought it would be best if you sat this out. I'll get the guy to come here, and you'll be fixed. Everything can go back to normal, or as normal as our lives get,” Dean looked at Sam once he was done talking, gauging Sam's response.

Sam couldn't decide whether to be saddened, pissed, or logical. He knew that this was the safest course of action, but not being able to help made him feel useless and worthless, and he was angry that Dean was treating him like an infidel. Well, he was an infidel at the moment, but that doesn't mean anything in their line of work! He's had to run while bleeding out from a bullet wound! Just because this is internal doesn't mean it's worse. Right?

Hallucifer chuckled darkly. “Oh, Sam. We both know this is so much worst than a bullet wound. A bullet wound you can fix, but this? This is an incurable insanity that will fester in your freakishly large head for the rest of your life. And when your life ends, the insanity will become real. Doesn't that sound like fun?”

“Shut up,” Said Sam quietly, momentarily forgetting about Dean's presence. 

Dean was still staring at Sam waiting for a reaction when his brother had whispered ‘shut up’. Dean's face fell. “See? I can't even tell if you're telling me to shut up, or the devil stalking your head,” Dean dragged a hand across his face in exasperation, “this is why I want you to stay here. Stay safe while I find a solution, and if it makes you feel better you can do research from the safety of your laptop. I don't care what you do, just stay safe while I'm gone.”

Dean pushed passed Sam, and went straight to baby. He threw his bag into the passenger side of the car, then went around to the driver's side and climbed in. He rolled down the window and called back to sam, “I'll be gone for about four days, try not to get yourself killed in that time,” and drove away.

Sam watched the impala until he couldn't see it anymore, and let out a sigh.

“Well sam, it's just you and me for four whole days. Imagine all the fun we can have!” Said hallucifer excitedly behind the younger Winchester, startling him out of his thoughts.

“Get the fuck out of my head, Lucifer,” Said Sam half-heartedly, knowing that Lucifer wouldn't listen.

Lucifer knew Sam understood that he was stuck with him, and just let out a devilish laugh in response. 


	2. Hey, Sammy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be Spanish in this chapter. a translation will be in the end notes. Enjoy! (p.s. I'm not the best Spanish speaker. feel free to point out any and all mistakes you see.)

Sam was in the kitchen making a turkey sandwich, when he heard a voice behind him. “How can you live with yourself? Knowing you killed me, knowing you had the power to stop it,” said Jess. He just continued to spread mayo on the bread.

 

\-----------------------(!:!)--------------------------

 

Sam was throwing his laundry in the washer, when a hand reached out and slammed the door to it. “Why did you always have to fight me? If you had just listened, so many people would still be alive!” Yelled John. Sam opened up the washing machine door, and continued doing his laundry.

 

\-----------------------(!:!)--------------------------

 

Sam was laying in his bed. The crickets were chirping outside his window, but he couldn't hear them over the sound of the flames consuming him; over the sounds of all of those he had loved and lost, yelling, screaming, and crying all around him in agony and anger.

 

\-----------------------(!:!)--------------------------

 

Sam was sitting on the couch, drifting off. Lucifer was surprisingly silent, and though that should have put him even more on edge, he was just tired. The flames were unrelenting all night, and the voices progressively got louder until day break. Suddenly the tv in front of him (which was playing this show called Gilmore girls, not that Sam was paying attention), changed to a cartoon. A girl with freakishly long hair was running through a forest area, going through what had to be one of the most bipolar emotional roller coasters Sam had ever seen.

 

The couch dipped down beside him. Sam didn't turn to face the newcomer, until he heard his voice. “Hey Sammy! Looks like they made you into a cartoon. Well, at least with the hair; the face looks more like your brother.” Said Gabriel, chuckling to himself. 

 

Sam stared dumbstruck at Gabriel for a moment, before going stone faced and turning back to the tv. Gabriel took no notice of this strange behavior, and continued talking. “Why did you let it grow that long?” He asked, reaching toward Sam's hair. “Don't get me wrong, it looks amazing. And just imagine the things you can do with it! Naughty or otherwise,” he stated, playing with Sam's hair. The younger Winchester flinched away from his touch, and scooted farther down the couch. This time, the angel took notice.

 

“Come on Sam, I thought dying makes me part of your team!” He whined, flopping back on the couch. Sam continued to ignore the former trickster's antics, and seemed to be pressing a bruise into his hand. Gabe stared at his hand, and tentatively asked, “Whatcha doing Sammy? That looks like it hurts.” 

 

Sam pressed harder into his hand, to the point where his bone was creaking. Gabriel was getting slightly concerned, and decided that his presence was not helping the situation. He flew to the kitchen, looking for food. He would have snapped it up, if he could...

 

\-----------------------(!flashback!)--------------------------

 

Flashing pain, white hot; burning through his entire being. Then nothing. Just vast emptiness with a conscience peeking at the edges of his nonexistent mind. The more he chased the consciousness, the farther it got away from him. It went on like this for an unmeasurable amount of time. He could have been like that for a couple of minutes to a couple of millennia.

 

Without warning, there was warmth. Colors slowly crept into his vision, followed by the feeling of being watched. Gabriel looked around and saw a face that had he been human, would have melted his brain. “Dad? Where have you been? Do you know the shit that went down after you left!? What the hell!?” Is what Gabriel had wanted to say. What came out instead closely resembled a dog when you scared the crap out of it. God chuckled. “Gabriel, you were once my messenger. Spread the message to the other angels that you yourself had to learn, and as you go about you shall regain your previous status. Go.”

 

Before Gabriel could correct himself and ask what he wanted to ask, or what the hell that was supposed to mean, he was thrown on earth. As a Cupid. Fuck.

 

\-----------------------(!:!)-----------------------

 

When Gabriel had snapped out of his reverie, less than a minute had passed. “Stupid Dad with his stupid plan. ‘Oh, Gabriel, tell people this. Oh, Michael, smite that. Now don't mind me while I just ignore my duties, run off and ignore everyone for a couple millennia.’” Mocked the agitated ex-archangel, while searching through the kitchen for any sign of sugar. Or sweets in general. 

 

Finding none, besides fruits or a can of chocolate that was probably as old as the cabin itself, Gabriel decided to visit one of his favorite chocolate places. After stopping by one of his safe houses where he kept a magic credit card, of course.

 

He flew to Oaxaca Mexico, outside of a store called ‘chocolate mayordomo’. Gabriel sauntered in and let out a laugh, no matter how long it had been, at least this place was the same. He walked up the the counter and grinned even wider when he saw who was working today.

-start Spanish-

 

“hola, puta sucio! Necesito chocolate ahora por favor!” Gabe said, barely containing laughter at how the woman in front of him turned around, ready to beat the shit out of whoever said that. “Me escuchas poco… LOKI!!! Hace cinco años! Pensé que estabas muerto!”

 

Gabriel stood for a moment, processing the new information. He recovered quickly though. “Hace cinco años? Y tú eres mas bella que recuerdo,” Said Gabriel, batting his eyelashes. “Y sigues siendo un alborotador,” said the woman, exasperated with Gabriel already. “Solo toma el chocolate,” She said fondly. “Por qué casi nunca me dejas pagar?” He asked, puzzled. Her face sobered, and she leaned across the table. “Porque mataste al hombre que violó y mató a mi hija. Y estoy agradecido.”

 

Gabriel's smile fell. “Yo mato a muchas personas. Por favor toma el dinero,” He said, grabbing a bunch of candy bars and handing over his card. She took it and rang him up. “Loki,” She said, handing him his card, “gracias,”. The angel smiled. “De nada.”

 

As Gabriel was walking out the door, the woman called after him, “Si alguna vez me llamas puta sucia de nuevo, te apuñalaré en el pene!”. Gabriel laughed until his grace hurt.

-end Spanish-

 

\-----------------------(!:!)-----------------------

 

Back at the cabin, Sam was losing what was left of his mind. Literally. Lucifer had Sam tied down to the dining room table, and had gutted the hunter until all of his insides were on the floor. Lucifer had just started to dig out Sam's brain, when his phone started to ring. The momentary lapse of concentration made hallucifer disappear, and Sam’s guts be magically back in his body.

 

He laid there for a moment, attempting to reign in his nausea and tremors. Once he realized it was a moot point, he fought through them and went to his phone. The caller ID read ‘jerk’. He cleared his throat. “Hey Dean,” he answered with a slight tremble in his voice.

 

“Hey Sammy, you ok? You sound like shit,” asked Dean. Sam let out a low laugh, and replied, “I feel like shit. How are things on your end?” He asked, trying to change the subject. Thankfully, it worked. “Pretty good man, but I ran into some trouble with demons. And man, I don't know how, but Cas isn't dead. The demons were there looking for him. He lost his memory, and he's been going by the name Emmanuel,” Dean said, relief and happiness radiating through his voice.

 

Despite his brothers obvious relief, Sam felt his stomach drop to his toes. Cas was the one to do this to him, and he doubted the Angel's ability to fix the situation. It had taken Death himself to build the wall, his power rivaling that of God. He thought it unlikely that an angel of such low status as Cas, would be able to match the handy work of Death. Even when he had had purgatory power.

 

Sam answered before the silence could stretch on, not wanting to worry Dean. “Yeah, man. That’s great! How’s he holding up?” He asked to break the silence. Dean began talking, but Sam found his ability to focus hindered by a sharp force piercing him from behind. He let out a hiss of pain and dropped the phone, vaguely aware of a voice yelling from across the line. The hunter looked down at his chest, and saw a blade was sticking through it, glistening in blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hello, you dirty whore! I need chocolate now please! "Gabe said, barely containing laughter at how the woman in front of him turned around, ready to beat the shit out of whoever said that. "Listen to me you little... LOKI !!! Its been five years! I thought you were dead!"
> 
>  
> 
> Gabriel was silent for a moment, processing the new information. He recovered quickly though. "Its been five years? And you are more beautiful than I remember, "Said Gabriel, batting his eyelashes. "And you're still a troublemaker," said the woman, exasperated with Gabriel already. "Just take the chocolate," she said fondly. "Why do you almost never let me pay?" He asked, puzzled. Her face sobered, and she leaned across the table. "Because you killed the man who raped and killed my daughter. And I'm grateful. "
> 
>  
> 
> Gabriel's smile fell. "I kill a lot of people. Please take the money, "He said, grabbing a bunch of candy bars and handing over his card. She took it and rang him up. "Loki," she said, handing him his card, "thank you." The angel smiled. "You're welcome."
> 
>  
> 
> "If you ever call me filthy slut again, I'll stab you in the dick!" Gabriel laughed until his grace hurt.


	3. Dean and Cas (and Meg)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, school and writers block are both bitches. I call Cas both Cas and Emmanual in his chapter, just FYI. Enjoy!

“Sam? Sammy!?” Dean yelled into the phone, the noise of the phone clattering to the ground emanating through the device so loud that Emmanuel could hear it as though the phone was to his ear and not the hunters. “Dean,” said Emmanuel, placing his hand on the man's shoulder. “I'm sure your brother is fine. Physically at least. The problem you described was mental, not physical, and should cause him no bodily harm besides lack of sleep. Although in extreme cases that can be deadly as well.” Emmanual stated, appearing indifferent.

“Yeah, not helping.” Said dean, glaring out of the corner of his eye. His companion removed his hand and had half a mind to look cowed. “My apologies Dean.” Both were silent for a long stretch of road, the air thick with unexpressed emotion and each person's internal turmoil as Dean tried to call Sam, to no avail. The silence was broken once the car pulled into a gas station off the side of the highway. “I'm going in, I need some pie if we're going to make it back on time. Stay here,” Said Dean, exiting Baby. He headed into the gas station, and immediately felt a change of atmosphere. Something wasn't right. He went to grab some pie and a bag of chips, making sure to stay aware of his surroundings. He heard two people enter the store and he looked up into the blind spot mirror. They had black eyes. His mind jumped to Cas; did they see him? Was he alright? But his hunter instincts kicked in and reminded him to survive first, check others second. And just in time, too. The first demon jumped him as soon as he seemed to have his guard down. In all actuality Dean had grabbed Ruby's knife from his coat and was fully ready for them to jump him. What he wasn't prepared for was both of them attacking him full force, simultaneously. He slit the throat of the first one, but the knife was knocked from his hand before he could do damage to the second one. Demon number two threw him across the room and was slowly making his way towards him. “Dean Winchester, the king wishes to see you. But I have half a mind to kill you here,” said the demon, trying to be threatening, unsuccessfully I might add. Just before he reached Dean, Ruby’s knife plunged through his chest. The body fell to the floor and a familiar face was standing over his body.

“You know, I think this means you're in debt to me,” said Meg, smirking. She walked over to Dean and offered a hand up. He ignored it and pushed himself to a standing position, glaring the whole time. “Touchy, touchy. Where's moose?” She asked snidely. “Not here. What do you want?”

\-----------------------(!:!)-----------------------

Emmanuel was sitting in the car watching the store from the outside, and saw when the demons entered. He was about to go in and help, when dean came back out followed by a girl. He hastily got out of the car and grabbed Dean, putting himself between the hunter and the demon. “Ca- Emmanuel, what’re you doing?” asked Dean, putting his hand on Cas’s shoulder, attempting to turn him around. The angel didn’t budge. “She is a demon. I can see her face.” 

“Oooh, you don’t remember me Clarence?” she asked, feigning sadness. “Meg,” said Dean, in a warning tone, “don’t”. Cas stared at the scene in confusion. “My name is not Clarence. It is Emmanuel, and do I know you?” he asked. Meg looked at Dean, who was slowly shaking his head no. She sighed heavily, as though lying to Cas would be the most difficult thing she’s ever done. “No, you don’t know me. Dean-o here just told me about your little condition, and I decided it would be fun to mess with you,” She said, giving Dean a look that clearly stated ‘are you happy now?’ 

Castiel was oblivious to this exchange of facial expressions. “That still does not explain as to why you two appear to be friends. You are a demon,” Cas reiterated. “We’re not friends. She just has info we need,” Dean said. “And you have a safe house,” finished Meg. “Info for safety. It’s business, not friendship”. There was a moment of silence, then Dean spoke, “Alright, well now that thats cleared up, lets hit the road.”

Castiel tilted his head, “How would hitting a road help our situation?” Dean sighed heavily, “It's a figure of speech, man. It just means ‘let's get going’,”. Cas paused for a moment, trying to understand. “I see,” he said, clearly not comprehending the slang. Dean got into the driver's seat, and Meg reached for the passenger door. “No, you sit in the back. You're lucky I'm not tying you up,” Dean told the demon, pointing at her through the window. She grinned, “Kinky,”. She climbed into the back of the car as Cas got in the front.

As they got back on the highway, Dean accelerated to over 20mph over the speed limit. “Woah, Dean-o. Slow down, I'm precious cargo,” Meg commented from the back. “Shut up,” He growled back. He had to get to Sam, he had already been gone for two days. If he kept this pace, maybe they could cut a day off of the trip and be back tomorrow. Wishful thinking, but that's all he could do right now. He would save Sam, he had to.


End file.
